Sometimes you have to be selfish. When times are tough, it helps to think of only you. You have to make yourself number one. So, I’m totally doing that at moment. I am not a director. I am a writer. Thankfully, someone reminded me of that. The magnificent Gari Jones, who is orchestrating the Renegade evening that will carry Shed and Cake, took me to one side for a pep talk. It totally worked.
I don’t learn. I get stressed. I take on too much, do too much, expect too much from myself and make myself ill. This is a vicious circle. I’ve done it a thousand times and we’re getting close to the finale. Shed was lacking male actors and I was in a fluster, to put it mildly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to put Cake on because it felt like two dimensional word vomit that had nothing to say. He reminded me that this evening is an experiment. It’s marketed as a ‘unique event in a unique environment’; it can be anything I want it to be.
“What do you want out of the evening?”
“I want to hear it. I want to know what’s wrong with it. I want to know where it can go.”
“Then fuck them and do that.”
Shed may not have the casting I hoped for, but the actors are talented and willing. Cake may not be perfect but I need the idea in the open to know where to take it. I may sound ridiculous, and I am, but I’m also new to this. No one can teach you to write, they like to think they can and charge you for the honour of other writer’s opinions and ‘there are no rules, but here are some rules’ rules.
All I can do is my best.