I am obsessed with serial killers, murderers and psychopaths. I do not commit these crimes obviously. Though, if I really dislike someone, I imagine how I would ‘get rid of the problem’ to make being in the same room with them tolerable. But I am fascinated with them, watching their programmes, reading their books and reading about them on the news. As I type this, my screen and attention is spilt in two as I watch KILLING SPREE: THE MIAMI MURDERS! I blame Channel 5; they turn out these sensational programmes with such ease. The voice overs are my porn.
I have reflected upon my obsession, using my A-Level in Psychology to figure it all out. I want to know how and why. Not how the act was committed, but why they did it and how they can live with themselves? How do you rationalise what you’re doing and live with yourself? I still feel bad about lying to my mother about being ill so I didn’t have to go to school because I hadn’t done my RE homework! I was 13, uncompleted RE homework isn’t the end of the world but grades and my detention-less track record had to be maintained. I did the homework and handed it in the next day.
It’s quite clear I am not capable of these acts, but I have to watch. Maybe I need to see justice prevail. Yet the unsolved mystery of Jack the Ripper is all the more fantastic because he or she got away with it. Given my history, my phobia of blood and moral compass all pointing away from the ability to perform such a terrible act, I can’t help but wonder if I could get away with murder?