First American Thoughts

First American Thoughts

It began with the longest plane journey of my life. It would appear I have led quite a sheltered life, never flying more than 5 hours and never living the EU. The only stamp in my passport was for Turkey. Which, now that I have Googled it, have learnt is in the EU. It was the stamp! It confused me! This flight was Florida bound, Orlando to be precise for five nights of theme parks and larger than life food. But first, I had to get there. I’ll be concise: Oh, cool movies. BIG HERO 6! Do you mind, madam? Oh, Birdman. FREE WINE! Seriously, are you not aware of how large your mass is? SO MUCH BODY ODOUR! This salad is surprisingly fresh. Yes, more wine. Oh, Annie. Asking to put your seat back? That’s not a thing. You sir, are a dick. Yes, I would like Love Hearts. Oh, are we here?


I managed to negotiate an American airport pretty well after spending an hour getting through passport control. A little gutted that I didn’t get asked for my reason of visit, though if I shouted ‘Harry Potter’ in his face they would have taken me to that special little room. It wasn’t until I got to the hotel that it dawned on me, I was finally in America. That thing that I’d been saving money for the past year and a half had finally happened. Time wasn’t on my side, the airport stuff had taken longer than I hoped and we had tickets for Blue Man Group! And that’s where I learnt…


ALL THE PRICES ARE LIES! Unlike England, the tax is added at the till so there’s no preparing exact change. It’s crazy. At one point, I had so many coins, I just thrust a handful of change in a cashier’s face and plead ‘help me!’ I was slow getting the hang of it, it was much easier when I realised that they only have four coins. I was constantly looking for the American equivalent of a 50p. Oh, and the bigger silver ones are worth less. That was super helpful too. So, yea, buying an alcoholic beverage at Blue Man Group was interesting.


Then the rest of the week looked a little like this:

Tuesday: Islands of Adventure

Wednesday: Universal Studios

Thursday: Magic Kingdom

Friday: All of Universal all over again.


I want to talk about Universal and America’s ‘theme parks’ in more detail in a later post but I thought I would touch on Disney a little bit. Only a little bit as words will never do it justice. I had the great misfortune of only spending one day in Disney, the park of choice was Magic Kingdom, because Disney World IS FUCKING MASSIVE. Excuse my language Walt, but you have your own city, state, country in Orlando! I cried when I passed under the monorail track and saw the castle.


I walked around with constant smile on my face and a cuddly Stitch in one hand. The staff were very good at humouring me, greeting Stitch and making sure he was buckled in. Yes, he came around on rollercoasters with me including Space Mountain which I managed to ride three times. When it got dark, they projected all the climatic moments from nearly every Disney film on the castle, reducing me to tears again. THE LANTERNS ARE FOR YOU RAPUNZEL! FLYNN! Disney was probably my second favourite thing about Orlando; the first being, of course, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.