I Wanna Be A Producer

I Wanna Be A Producer

At Latitude 2015, James Grieve of Paines Plough made a bold statement. We should stop people studying acting for one whole year. A hiatus if you will. We have too many actors, what we are lacking is producers. Those who want to enter the arts should learn to be a producer. Lots of people who aspire to be on the stage and not behind it, but without producers the actors will have nothing to star in. My label is playwright but if I had the skills of a producer, I could made my own shit happen. It got me thinking, do I want to be a producer?

Do I wanna be a producer? I could have a hit show on Broadway, lunch at Sardi’s every day. Not that I know where that is. I assumed you’d have to sport a top hat and a cane. If I were a producer, I’d drive those chorus boys insane! If I were a producer, could I sleep until half-past two? I’d certainly be able to say “You, you, you, not you”. I want to be a producer so I can wear a frock on opening nights and see my name “Charlie Hay” in lights!

I could end up being the producer of a great big West End smash and have every pocket stuffed with cash! When I’m a producer, I’ll have a great big casting couch! I gonna be the greatest, grandest and most fabulous producer in the world. I’ll dine with a duchess and a duke, drink champagne until I puke. I’m gonna show the world just what I’ve got,

I’m gonna put on shows that will enthrall ’em! My shows, shows I have written and I have produced. No more waiting for someone to help.

Where do you think I’m going?

I’m gonna be a producer! Sound the horn and beat the drum! I’m gonna be a producer! Look out theatre, here I come!

Maybe. Who knows.