In trying to understand what happened to me, I wrote it down.
The crash must have been loud. It wasn’t what I heard, I only remember what I saw. Glass spraying my face. The air bag. I saw smoke. It was coming from the door. Hand break. Put the thing in park. I shut off the music. Glass everywhere. Engine off. Smoke settling. I cried. I couldn’t figure out what had happened. I was still in the car. I’d be stepping out into the road. Crying still, shaking now. Someone’s at the door now. Do I want to get out? Yes. It’s not the driver of the van that hit me. A stranger I’d never see again. Van man passes me a phone. Speak to his boss. I can’t remember what I said. I thought I had more time. The words spin in my head. Back to the car for my phone. Mum’s out. No one home. Phone Dad at work. On his way. I can’t look at the car. I can’t talk I just cry. I can’t remember who I’m insured with. Don’t give your phone number. I have to phone work. The shop won’t open without me. I feel as though I have no one’s numbers. No one answers. Mark, please, sorry, accident. I can’t get to work, please, sorry. Still crying. Still shaking. I walk. I crouch. I cry. A face I know. Two faces I know. Big hugs and more tears. I’m bleeding. Small cuts but enough to scare me. I sit in a car. My dad appears. Police appears. My fault. My fault regardless of his speed or his actions. I’m 20 feet down the road. My air bag went off. This is more than a bump, he was doing over 30mph. Don’t blame me. You couldn’t possibly blame me. Mum comes. Big hugs. I’m crying. I’m shaking. I’m bleeding. We cry together. You can’t leave until the police come casualty has lacerations on her face. He can’t leave. Paramedics come.