So I probably owe you a life update.
I have gone through some pretty big changes in my life.
First of all, I quit my job as a bookseller. It was a job that I’d been doing for five years and doing well. I had good reasons for leaving, none of which had anything to do with the company or the jobs itself. I shall leave it like that.
However, I am not unemployed. I am currently working in a hotel while I figure out what I exactly I want to do. This is one of the things that is causing me misery. That’s rather dramatic. It’s making me scared, confused and lost. I thought I knew the path I was on but that path was taken away from me.
I have so many new paths in front of me, but they are paths I’ve yet to pave.
I have been offered the same job in a different part of the country. This would involve a big move but a fresh start. I adore my family. I can’t live in my childhood home any more, especially as I feel I’m still being treated like a child. It’s a big move, a big deal, and it solves another problem that is causing me misery.
I could stay with my love of books. Something in publishing. I have never worked in an office before but the idea of sitting for seven hours a day is appealing. My current position sees me on my feet for at least eight hours. It would be completely new and a steep learning curve, and there are so many areas. How do I know which I will be suited to?
I could go back to theatre. It’s been a while. Throughout university I was a producer. I made and contributed to making art, theatre, musicals, plays, entertainment. It was stressful and at times it would make me cry but I loved it. I made me my best self. The organised person I was before I became lazy and impulsive. I do miss the theatre. It involved a lot of learning, and I like learning.
I could get any job. Anything. It could be a job I don’t particularly like. I would become a person that works to live and no longer lives to work, the person I have always been. For the past five years, I have loved my job. I took the pennies because I was happy in what I was doing. I could be at the bottom on some faceless corporation, work my way up and make money because I need money.
I don’t know a lot right now, but I know that’s not me.
I’m anxious and scared at the moment. I’m just taking each day as it comes. I’m fighting to control feelings and for now, I’m winning. I’m not putting any pressure on myself. I’m not writing. I’m watching my shows. I’m reading my books. I’m trying to remain grateful of how petty my problems are. They’re not life threating but they are my problems. That doesn’t stop me from feeling depressed.