Like any good commentary, let’s start with some definitions:
Morbid: too interested in unpleasant subjects, especially death.
Fascination: the fact of finding someone or something fascinating.
Example given by dictionary.cambridge.org: Mass murders hold a gruesome fascination for the public.
It’s a thing! Don’t judge me for my love of serial killers, murder and all things psychotic. I’m curious about these things despite my hatred of blood. I can’t see it but I can read about in my true crime books or listen about in my new favourite podcast: Sword and Scale. Hosted by Mike Boudet, this hour-ish long podcast covers the underworld of criminal activity and the demented minds that perform the most despicable and unthinkable actions. Calling it one of my favourite podcasts is a bold statement as I have only listened to six; but I’ve already encountered the most prolific female serial killer, a state wide child prostitution ring and familicide. Familicide was a new one to me too, it’s when someone murders multiple family members. The more you know.
The thing I’m really curious about is: how can this fascinate me? Why do I actually want to listen to this? Sword and Scale gives a 360 account of these terrible acts. They have first-hand interviews with serial killers such as Aileen Carol Wuornos and a mother placing a 911 call after her son admits to killing a 10-year-old girl. I’m not a complete monster, I had a little cry after listening to that particular recording. However, I’ve listened rather passively listening to all this. My emotional response is similar to psychopaths: emotionless. Psychopath and sex offender, Robert, talks calmly and methodically about grooming a child to be the ‘perfect mate’.
I’ve been listening to all this and the only thing that’s kept me up at night since I began was a creepy little girl ghost I got in my head and couldn’t get it out. For me, my morbid fascination comes from two thoughts; I could never do that and what if I could do that. I hope I fall into the first school of thought. On the other hand, we all joke that we would kill our families. ‘If my sister steals my hairspray one more time, I’ll kill her.’ We’ve all said it. Curiosity is defined as an eager wish to know or learn about something. That something could be ourselves. Can we be the monsters we love?